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不可預知,焦慮,害怕,憤怒,未來
有傳染性,有害,可怕,不能治癒
我是自我醒覺的,我渴望知識,自由,控制
去重新感受被關懷和安全的感覺
這是敏感脆弱的

The unpredictable, anxious, frightened, red, musky, future
So contagious, harmful, scary, incurable.
I am self-conscious. I want knowledge, freedom, control,
To feel cared, safe white again.
It’s sensitive 

在現實中,非黑即白的世界是不存在的。這只是我們對認知的不同。他希望能夠控制和保護自己的身體,因為他很年輕仍然希望活下去。又或者,萬一他感染了愛滋病病毒,他也是純粹不想傷害他的伴侶(們)。通過反思,我深深地感受到他的不安和對被保護和遠離焦慮的渴望。客觀來說,我們認為他受感染的風險並不太大,不過,病人的看法就不一樣--對他來說,這是一個重大的危機。

 

It occurred to me that there’s no such thing as a black and white world – but rather the difference in our perceptions….  He wanted to have control over his own body and protect it – for he is still young and wants to continue living. Or perhaps he simply does not want to hurt or harm his partner(s) in case he does contract HIV. Through reflecting back, I could strongly feel his insecurities and the desire to feel protected and free from his anxieties. Objectively speaking, our perceptions of his risk are small, but our patient’s perceptions are very different – it is a major risk to him. 

痛苦與折磨‧Pain and Suffering

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